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Please wave back as I walk away
the clouds storm lazily overhead
the future billows upward
knowledge is a hunger
an incurable addiction
life is a terminal illness
at the time of birth we begin to die. As we inhale
that sweet breath of life we exhale to begin the breathlessness of death.
It's the calm down below the serene
the unreal turned into the obscene
you see the nations fall at your feet
see our men fall down to their knees. Terror
as you realize it unfolds before your very own eyes
the children in your mind
a childhood you left behind. We're all slaves
to the revolution
we can't step outside
we're all products of the evolution
now we've fallen out of line.
The game is no fun anymore
and you want to run home
to your mother's arms
what you thought you had isn't yours anymore
it's a thousand pieces on the floor.
You walked when you should have run.
Apologies
I lay on the floor in a prison of shadows as a
candle seduces the dark
the warmth of the flame dries the tears. The
silence is violated. Forever is a long time and you will tire of me long
before that. Love rain on me. On my knees to kiss the mother
my head rolls back to meet the rain
I taste the sky and all it's poison. Mother,
I'm sorry. Even after all the abuse and even after all the neglect
and in the middle of another rape
the rain falls
wash the smoke from my eyes. Mother, I'm sorry.
I can move mountains if I kick hard enough
I can make it thunder if I scream loud enough
I can make it rain if I cry hard enough
I can make it freeze if I hurt enough
I can make love if I give enough.
Even after all the abuse and even after all the
neglect
and in the middle of another rape
and still another rape. Mother, I'm sorry.
Revenge
Keep killing it off one by one, but you keep coming
back
no response is good enough
nothing more to be said. Getting it back one
day
as hard as you gave
I'll be waiting.
Lies and fairytales
not much difference between the two
everything and anything, it'll come right back
to you. Swallow it down
suck it back
swallow it hard
it'll come
back to you. It'll all come back. I hear you
calling
it comes around
I would think twice as hard
I would think twice as hard. And if it takes
me standing over your grave to make me laugh
I'll be waiting. If it takes me standing over
your grave to make me laugh
I'll be waiting.
2 Extremes
I run
through my childhood
hit the black wall
where the field ends
to begin where I left off
is an ending in itself. The ocean starts at my
feet
it doesn't end as far as I can see
a wave pulls me down and the surface is as far
away as the bottom. My dreams are as far away from reality as the fantasy
my life as far away from death
the truth as far away as the lie
the pain is as far away as the bliss
freedom is as far away as a kiss. The ocean starts
at my feet
it doesn't end as far as I can see
a wave pulls me down
and the surface is as far away as the bottom.
The evil is as far away as the pure
the dark as far away as the sun/ ignorance is
as far away from knowledge
and solitude is as far away as one.
Remember
Blackness
nighttime in my house
no one home
content to waste my life
if that's what it takes
I've never had the faith. Some claim to hold
I've been torn apart
I can't say I'm wrong
but I'm scared when I think how it would be without
me here. The scar flesh across my chest. The wounds don't heal anymore
wish I could remember how you feel
I want to know
know my own face. I love myself when no one else
does
and I hate
and I hate you
I wish I could
remember
how you feel.
Inside
See your own way out
inside
can't let you in
inside
seem to look alright
inside
I can't get out the
inside. Bleeding from the blade cut. I don't hear
I don't care. Bruised and torn all on the inside
bleeding from the blade cut inside
feel like a victim
inside
hating from the core
inside. Bleeding from the blade cut. Smash your face all
on the
inside
go ahead and look inside
you won't be the same inside
I feel nothing inside
I feel nothing inside. Bleeding from the blade cut.
Quarter Inch Thick
(incomplete)
My heart sinks into my back
I am only a quarter inch thick
I have no depth anymore
I am only surface
Sickness Ridden Soul Machine
social cancer rots our hearts
sickness ridden soul machine
can you feel the sinking sensation?
too weak to resist the almighty...
poison plant
nuclear war
it's not our problem
anymore
bodies piles in massive heaps
mass destruction in our streets
from our sky, falls acid rain
capital america the one to blame
don't lose sight of the distant shelling
shrapnel bombarding the ignorant masses
severed limbs as a solution
blinding flash and cry to follow
cast off the wings of an angel of mercy thrown
aside for beauty who crawls on all fours after him now she has it all i
have nothing this inefficient machine has failed me as words often do from
me
to another my demeanor betrays me from time to
time has masked a hurt the tragic turns now have caused me to wonder what
i did to fall out of a god's favour one day i will grow into this
skin of this ugly inefficient machine my convictions
have cost me a warm place to sleep and a safe warm embrace at times i've
faltered in my belief that my conduct will prevail and i will finally
have conquered this inefficient machine fill
in this outline of this jagged sketch to create the image of who i want
to be
Positive I.D.
i picture you staring down the wrong end of a gun calling out to friends from whom you should have run who's laughing now through the tears you should have cried long before seems to me now that you're screaming for a god who's not yours you are not forgiven if you were dead i would say you have finally found your place you have taken more from me through your violence and your hate killed by a monster that you yourself helped to create i hate you almost as much as i loved him and you are not forgiven you have only yourself to blame nothing you could ever do will ever make it the same if you said you were sorry i would spit in your face even if you were sorry you've shaken any faith i have ever had in this place and you are not forgiven no you are not forgiven you are not forgiven and i will never forget who you are what you did and i don't regret that i picture you dead before i go to sleep but there is no way to hurt you as much as you have hurt me you are not forgiven
Bitch
accusations i can't defend what i can't see implications of something i did not mean once again it comes down to this thing the lines i had drawn were crossed to you i don't blame you but i can't understand always surrounded by you all always alone i feel what do i think i'm doing here and what do you think i know i'm up front yes and i'll stand here naked and i give but i'm not sure how you will take it once again it comes down to this thing not sure exactly what you need but i'll stand here in front of you and bleed
Denial
don't speak to me about numbers don't tell me
what you think 1 in 32,000 is what you face of a knife in the back or a
bullet through your skull 1 in 32,000 is too many killed a knife a heart
a
lung drawing in breath denial change one minute
of someone's life took another changed mine of twenty years and counting
more denial i can't see past today anymore i can't see your way your goddamn
do-right self-righteous bleeding hearts i know what a bleeding heart is
denial look at what you have done smile for the camera denial look at what
you have done staring down below through the never ending drama disappeared
in a guest appearance just another script i have been written in
Tragic Cinderella
arms outstretched to catch the battered child come here my dear tragic cinderella daddy's home and the wind that destroyed my vision venture out now to the hillside where the dead lay by the roadside you say it's your right and then show me your book and i hit her i did not hurt her and i loved her i swear i swear i did not kill her it doesn't take a big man to knock your women down and i question your ability to sell your baby girls into slavery hand your daughter to the rapist with the check book don't resist it's clearly simple an easy choice i say you look hurt you say those damn walls we both said we need one to keep us in line the only difference is i was not serious now you say i will kiss the hand of the one who hits me i will lick the boots of the one who kicks me and i will not apologize but i question
Trust In Me
i will betray you your faith your god your trust
in me this is for all the times i'm silent now i speak what i could not
say i will take the credit when you throw the blame i will betray you your
faith your
god your trust in me have i been all that i will
will i be all that i can will it be more than i can stand will it finally
kill me one day we will be exposed i will betray you your faith your god
your trust in
me i will betray you and test the strains of
loyalty i will betray you
Untitled
through the eyes of a child first born seeing the world into which we are thrown no fear of what you know now it's only the way you chose that scares me scared and confused you said trying to be strong i say now i respect the choice you have made and i don't know what could have saved you haunted by your ghost tortured by your pain i wait alone 'til i have the strength when i can finally say you feel better now you had wounds that would not heal we were one in the same i suppose where you are now while i am here perhaps i wish i could know you once were here i would not ask for more and i would not trade the time we spent just to spare my heartbreak of how it would end haunted by your ghost tortured by your pain i wait alone one day i will have the strength when i can finally say you are better off now though i am not i was your friend i would not ask for more and i would not trade the time we spent just to spare my heartbreak of how this would end
Guilt
how can you sleep at night?
She falls into frame with a professional pout
but the polaroids ignite on seeing their subject and the aperture shuts-too
much exposure
Voyeur sucks into focus-floodlit the glossy kiss-pit
but as emulsion drips down...down
the aperture shuts-too much exposure
Come into this room-Come into this gloom See
the Red light rinsing another shutterslut wincing
the sagging half-wit sister
pretty, pretty picture
of an ancient nipple shrinking-that Kodakwhore
winking 'til the aperture shuts-too much exposure.